Life Without My Computer

My computer broke and I am not happy about it! I love it. Love.

Aside from that, I am doing a lot of self-reflecting and realizing what a psycho I am. Or, I should say, how warped my mentality is. I am a crazy worker, like non-stop (and I don't think I even accomplish that much). I am here in Rwanda, stressed out and I cannot figure out why I allow things, like work, to get to me. It's truly amazing how worked up I can get. You'd think that I was responsible for everything and anything in the world. I must just have a major ego problem. Everyone around me is so capable but so very few actually take the initiative which is really frustrating. But, starting next week a couple more of the PLP guys will be back so they will help a ton. I just have to focus on r-e-l-a-x-i-n-g or at least managing my time better. There is enough work between W2R, AWF and the bball camp to stay busy for 24hrs a day and so far, I am letting it take over. I have actually made myself sick! I've got a headache, borderline swollen glands and no voice (but I have been told I talk too much so that could be the reason as well). It shows me that I have to prioritize. In my head, I think a hard worker is someone who is constantly working and usually stressed...I don't think that is the only way to be. I think I can still be a hard worker...in moderation (haha, story of my life, moderation and I are not friends). So, basically, Rwanda has been a mirror and I'm not loving what I see. Thankfully I know I'll never be prefect but I sure hope someday soon I will be relaxed. I'm learning so much here!! I'm so thankful.

For bball camp, I am a slacker and am behind on my newsletters but like I said earlier, I am working like crazy and there just aren't enough hours. So, it will get done and I'm sorry for the delay.

Basketball yesterday was the best one yet. The older boys have really started to step up. They were directing people to the right positions, being vocal, enthusiastic, and so helpful! We had a dance/rap session and played games. I am so proud of all of them. As for the younger ones, 4-9, it was not as positive of an experience. Yesterday it was a sob-fest. According to Rachel, they cried the entire time. We had a counselor working with us and she was saying one of the reasons they may have acted like that is because now they know they will get the attention. They are so used to being ignored or turned away that now that they know we are here and we care, they can let it out and cry. They know their crying will get them some loving so they do it. Knowing that breaks my heart that next week is the last week! We’ve just started our relationship. I can't believe it...

I miss you all and LOVE you.

But she's pink!

So, I finally met Rica, the woman that is the reason I came here. We met at Bourbon Coffee (the hot spot in Kigali) randomly last Saturday. I was with Marc and Dadi because we were supposed to meet with the Mkting Manager and a young girl came up to our table and started rubbing my hair (which was down) and said "are you called Kate?" As she continued to run her fingers through my hair, I looked at her and was trying to figure out who she was. I had no idea so just answered, "yes" and as I looked up I saw her mom, Rica. It was so great to see her. She is such a wonderful lady and we plan to meet up soon for lunch.

Anyway, the girl (6), I forget her name, and her brother (7) came back over to our table and started playing with Dadi and Marc. The son went through his homework with Dadi and the girl was busy basically beating up Marc. After about 10 mins, the girl looks at me, then looks at Marc and says to Marc, "is she your sister?" He said "yes" and then without a pause she asked if I was older or younger and then she got a very puzzled look on her face...she looked at Marc, she looked at me, and then said, "but, she's pink."

It was great! We all started laughing because she was so serious and so confused. I completely forgot that story until I saw Marc today and he reminded me, I knew you guys would like it so I thought I'd share!

I am so happy here. I feel like I have been given the gift of brothers. GLeo is my numero uno brother but now I have a couple. It's so great and I am so blessed.

LOVE YOU.

Have I told you lately how much I LOVE the kids at the basketball camp? If not, I do. Every Saturday I leave thinking I cannot wait to have my chubba lubba babies! Also, I am officially adopting. I think I'll have one, adopt one, have one, adopt one. I will obviously have to clear that with the future hubby (wherever he is) but I think we'll be on the same page and if he needs convincing we can just take a quick trip back here. I'm thinking I'll adopt from the US and from Rwanda but, only time will tell. Per usual, I've got big plans! But, I will admit, that the best times in my life so far were not part of my plans so I’m going to just go with the flow.

Also, everyone has said that Rwanda is lucky for love...meaning that there are a bunch of stories of women coming here and then going home and BAM they meet their man sooooo, yeah, watch out now. I obviously have no expectation but I am quickly approaching 26 so it's time to get focused! I will say that it will be weird to see all those umuzungu men around but I will adjust.

Other than that, we had a training session today in preparation for Walk to Remember. We had the Rwandan Representatives come to the Kigali Memorial Center to do a tour and participate in various discussion groups – one on counseling trauma cases , another on their feelings/concerns, and one on the history. It was so interesting to hear their thoughts. Many of the participants are survivors who lost their parents in the genocide and everyone in the room had lost a family member or friend. It was fascinating to hear them speak. A couple had mentioned their fear of traveling to the other countries unprotected. As survivors, they fear the perpetrators who fled to those countries will attack them. Unfortunately, it is a real fear and it never crossed my mind. It shows me how limited my understanding is of the real issues here. Even here it is so easy to get lost in the day to day activities and ignore the fact that only 15 years ago over one million people were murdered here. I read a quote today at the memorial today that really struck me, “But the genocidaires did not kill a million people. They killed one, then another, then another… day after day, hour after hour, minute by minute. Every minute of the day, someone, somewhere was being murdered, screaming for mercy. Receiving none. And the killing went on and on and on…10,000 each day, 400 each hour, 7 each minute, That’s approximately 100 murders since you started this exhibition…another 200 murders before you leave the building…24 hours a day, non-stop for 100 days.” It’s just so unbelievable to me. I cannot believe that it was possible and the experiences of these people my age and younger. A third of them witnessed this kind of violence; some of them potentially saw their parents and siblings murdered at seven. At seven, you have your memory, they carry those images with them…it’s too much to think about and I will never understand. I will say though, from the group that I have met so far, they smile, they laugh, and they are just wonderful.

So, this blog went from light to heavy but that was my day.

I heart you all BIGTIME.