I will be on a plane in 6 days. 6 days.
I don't even know how I feel. I am experiencing a whole range of emotions. It's all slightly overwhelming. I am really looking forward to coming home but I am fearful too. Rwanda has been such a blessing. I am so thankful for the experiences I have had and the friendships I have made. I will never be able to fully articulate my experience here but there is just something different about this place, about these people. I love home and I have loved the people at home longer but right now I can't imagine being anywhere else but here. Rwanda will always have a piece of my heart and it's a scary thought to leave such an important part of you somewhere.
I am overcome with gratitude towards God for sending me here. As much as I fear coming home, I am ready (I hope)!
I love you loads. See you soon!!!!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
woot woot
Today is the first day that I woke up genuinely excited to come home....yaaaaay! 15 days and counting.
Lot-o-love coming your way.
Lot-o-love coming your way.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
No One Likes A FATTY
16 days and I will get getting on a plane. WOAH. I am so excited to see everyone. I can not believe that it has been seven months! It is so crazy to me because I feel like I have been with you all along...weird, I know but it does. I think (and hope) everything will pick-up just where we left off.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my transition back to the good ol' US of A after being here for so long and it is going to be interesting. It is different here and the people are different. One thing that I have thought about a lot recently is how I am not looking forward to going back into image obsessed America. Once you have been away from it for awhile you realize how trivial it all is and how we are all so vain! Here they say embrace your African curves or work-out, that's it, end of story. No, o I'm so chubby (actually usually the opposite of I'm too skinny) or hating on oneself, most people, at least the ones that I have come across are comfortable and don't give it much thought because "its just how their body is." One story that really comes to mind is when Andrea and I were with Marc at Bourbon and we were talking about weight and yada yada and Marc said you guys talking so much about your weight makes me self-conscious about my body. I never thought of it that way. He is/was fine with his body until we started dissecting ours, by doing that, he started to do it to himself. They just don't do that here.
And, the magazines. Oh my goodness. I read my first "western" (from the UK) magazine in six months and was borderline horrified. It is such trash. I never even realized it before but all I could think of was who cares?!? It was so terrible. I think I have ruined myself for stupid things. (That sounds really harsh and this is for me, not for you. If you like trashy magazines, do you!)
So, those are just a couple side comments. Take them of leave them. I just hope I am able to come home and not be as obsessed as I was because that never helped, ever. Never lost a lb by obsessing over it, usually only gained two in it's place. I just want to be healthy and happy, for me. Not for anyone else. Basically I will just continue doing my SHRED videos and reminding myself that no one likes a fatty - not because I'm fat but because it's fun.
That's all folks. LOVE YOU. SEE YOU IN 18 DAYS!!
I've been thinking a lot lately about my transition back to the good ol' US of A after being here for so long and it is going to be interesting. It is different here and the people are different. One thing that I have thought about a lot recently is how I am not looking forward to going back into image obsessed America. Once you have been away from it for awhile you realize how trivial it all is and how we are all so vain! Here they say embrace your African curves or work-out, that's it, end of story. No, o I'm so chubby (actually usually the opposite of I'm too skinny) or hating on oneself, most people, at least the ones that I have come across are comfortable and don't give it much thought because "its just how their body is." One story that really comes to mind is when Andrea and I were with Marc at Bourbon and we were talking about weight and yada yada and Marc said you guys talking so much about your weight makes me self-conscious about my body. I never thought of it that way. He is/was fine with his body until we started dissecting ours, by doing that, he started to do it to himself. They just don't do that here.
And, the magazines. Oh my goodness. I read my first "western" (from the UK) magazine in six months and was borderline horrified. It is such trash. I never even realized it before but all I could think of was who cares?!? It was so terrible. I think I have ruined myself for stupid things. (That sounds really harsh and this is for me, not for you. If you like trashy magazines, do you!)
So, those are just a couple side comments. Take them of leave them. I just hope I am able to come home and not be as obsessed as I was because that never helped, ever. Never lost a lb by obsessing over it, usually only gained two in it's place. I just want to be healthy and happy, for me. Not for anyone else. Basically I will just continue doing my SHRED videos and reminding myself that no one likes a fatty - not because I'm fat but because it's fun.
That's all folks. LOVE YOU. SEE YOU IN 18 DAYS!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Guilty as Charged
So, as I type I am multitasking by talking to Morgan at the same time...sup Mogues! She brought to my attention that I have completely stopped blogging and all I have to say is sorry! I really have no excuse. I think it just comes down to the fact that this feels like normal life now. Like if I blog about it, you will all be bored because it's just the day-to-day stuff (at least for me!). No hot topics or anything like that to share.
But, that being said, that comment leads me to a rather interesting point. The point being that I still look at the same landscape everyday (mansions and shacks), still see the same street kids everyday, still feel the tension in the air (literally), still lose electricity at least every other day, still take showers with NO water pressure, still handwash my clothes, still get stared at for abnormal amounts of time per staring episode which happens at least every other person, still get excited when I actually get my list of errands complete and still wear the same four outfits I have worn over the last six months...the point is, this feels normal. Rwanda is my second home, so all of that stuff, that's just part of the day-to-day and how different is that from my "real" life?!?
It makes me think of two things:
1) How a person can become blind over time to his or her surroundings. Meaning, the extreme poverty that I witnessed when I first arrived here is the same that I will leave yet it does not evoke the same emotions it did initially. The prayers continue to be the same but the poverty, and/or acceptance of poverty, has become normal. Now, I am used to seeing people dressed in torn and tattered clothing, children dirty with no shoes, and people visibly hungry. It is normal. It forces me to be more aware and take a moral inventory of my behavior in my own country and what I see and accept as "normal". Do I let things that are considered "normal" that should not be, just exist. And, if so, what can I do in my day-to-day life to make a difference? One thing that I have learned here that I will take with me forever is that there is nothing more important or valued by a child than time. Everyone has time, it's amazing what you can do when your life does not evolve around the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice.
2) I should have written two down before I started writing too much about one! I know it was a good thought! Haha. So, to be honest, I have not changed much and unfortunately, I forget the original two...but, the new two is that In less than 30 days (27 to be exact), I will be back in Boston and then to NYC. Back in places where everything is at your fingertips and excess is everywhere. How the heck am I going to deal with that!?!?
LASTLY. Taking this trip was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Everyday I feel blessed and everyday I think God is GOOD. I am ready to take on whatever is thrown at me when I get home, including MASSIVE hugs. Am I fully healed? Nope! But, I believe it is possible and that's enough for me.
I love you all and will see you in less than a month. And, no, I do not know what I am going to do when I get home and to be honest, I am not worried so nobody better try to push their fears for me, on me. I ain't scared :) (so you shouldn't be either!). I know how to work and I now know how to pray so I'm ready for the next adventure....woot woot.
But, that being said, that comment leads me to a rather interesting point. The point being that I still look at the same landscape everyday (mansions and shacks), still see the same street kids everyday, still feel the tension in the air (literally), still lose electricity at least every other day, still take showers with NO water pressure, still handwash my clothes, still get stared at for abnormal amounts of time per staring episode which happens at least every other person, still get excited when I actually get my list of errands complete and still wear the same four outfits I have worn over the last six months...the point is, this feels normal. Rwanda is my second home, so all of that stuff, that's just part of the day-to-day and how different is that from my "real" life?!?
It makes me think of two things:
1) How a person can become blind over time to his or her surroundings. Meaning, the extreme poverty that I witnessed when I first arrived here is the same that I will leave yet it does not evoke the same emotions it did initially. The prayers continue to be the same but the poverty, and/or acceptance of poverty, has become normal. Now, I am used to seeing people dressed in torn and tattered clothing, children dirty with no shoes, and people visibly hungry. It is normal. It forces me to be more aware and take a moral inventory of my behavior in my own country and what I see and accept as "normal". Do I let things that are considered "normal" that should not be, just exist. And, if so, what can I do in my day-to-day life to make a difference? One thing that I have learned here that I will take with me forever is that there is nothing more important or valued by a child than time. Everyone has time, it's amazing what you can do when your life does not evolve around the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice.
2) I should have written two down before I started writing too much about one! I know it was a good thought! Haha. So, to be honest, I have not changed much and unfortunately, I forget the original two...but, the new two is that In less than 30 days (27 to be exact), I will be back in Boston and then to NYC. Back in places where everything is at your fingertips and excess is everywhere. How the heck am I going to deal with that!?!?
LASTLY. Taking this trip was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Everyday I feel blessed and everyday I think God is GOOD. I am ready to take on whatever is thrown at me when I get home, including MASSIVE hugs. Am I fully healed? Nope! But, I believe it is possible and that's enough for me.
I love you all and will see you in less than a month. And, no, I do not know what I am going to do when I get home and to be honest, I am not worried so nobody better try to push their fears for me, on me. I ain't scared :) (so you shouldn't be either!). I know how to work and I now know how to pray so I'm ready for the next adventure....woot woot.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
False Promises
I am so full of false promises that it is entertaining to me. It's good to know that I continue to overcommit myself, even when it comes to blogging. Something to work on!
I'm 30 days out, 4 weeks, so CRAZY! I can't believe it. This time is going to fly by so quickly. I am getting excited to come home but I am really going to miss this place. It has been such an amazing experience.
So, back to my original plan...
What I will miss....
My kids. I am going to miss the street kids so much. They have been such a blessing and I will miss not seeing them every week. We have really started to bond and I am not looking forward to leaving them. They are wonderful and I get smothered with hugs every week which I will really miss.
How flattering the people are. People here are so open and flattering. If you look like crap they say you look tired but if you look good, they tell you. The people are just really nice to me! haha, I have never felt so appreciated before (by men in particular) and they are all such good, kind people. The guys here treat me very different than the ones at home. Here if you are big, they think that is how you are supposed to be. No one is trying to lose weight and they just like you as you are. It's really nice. I am not looking forward to jumping back into the American cultures obsession with weight and skinny people.
My patio. I will really miss sitting out on the patio in the morning and at night. It's peaceful and I always sit there in awe of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to have this experience.
What I am looking forward to...
Just the usual day to day chats with friends and family. I am really looking forward to sitting around the kitchen table and just catching up with everyone. I can't wait to hear about all the happenings in everyone lives and share all that I have gained from this experience.
Exercise. I really look forward to going on a run whenever I want and not having to worry about the harsh sun or who is going to be watching me or any of that. I can not wait!
Salads!!!!! I can not wait to have salads, as many as I want. I can not wait for a healthy diet!
OTHER
I am going to have a basketball camp at a school for deaf kids in two weeks! Can't wait!
And, in general, I am exhausted! People are starting to go home so we have had going away parties non-stop! I am so tired! Lastly, I have decided I am not playing for the National team. Instead, I have decided that I would like to be an assistant coach. I really feel like I will be messing with their chemistry and that is just selfish...I am still going to practice with them but I do not think it is fair to play in games.
See you in 30 days. HOLY CRAP.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE THE USA. I LOVE RWANDA. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WOAH.
I'm 30 days out, 4 weeks, so CRAZY! I can't believe it. This time is going to fly by so quickly. I am getting excited to come home but I am really going to miss this place. It has been such an amazing experience.
So, back to my original plan...
What I will miss....
My kids. I am going to miss the street kids so much. They have been such a blessing and I will miss not seeing them every week. We have really started to bond and I am not looking forward to leaving them. They are wonderful and I get smothered with hugs every week which I will really miss.
How flattering the people are. People here are so open and flattering. If you look like crap they say you look tired but if you look good, they tell you. The people are just really nice to me! haha, I have never felt so appreciated before (by men in particular) and they are all such good, kind people. The guys here treat me very different than the ones at home. Here if you are big, they think that is how you are supposed to be. No one is trying to lose weight and they just like you as you are. It's really nice. I am not looking forward to jumping back into the American cultures obsession with weight and skinny people.
My patio. I will really miss sitting out on the patio in the morning and at night. It's peaceful and I always sit there in awe of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to have this experience.
What I am looking forward to...
Just the usual day to day chats with friends and family. I am really looking forward to sitting around the kitchen table and just catching up with everyone. I can't wait to hear about all the happenings in everyone lives and share all that I have gained from this experience.
Exercise. I really look forward to going on a run whenever I want and not having to worry about the harsh sun or who is going to be watching me or any of that. I can not wait!
Salads!!!!! I can not wait to have salads, as many as I want. I can not wait for a healthy diet!
OTHER
I am going to have a basketball camp at a school for deaf kids in two weeks! Can't wait!
And, in general, I am exhausted! People are starting to go home so we have had going away parties non-stop! I am so tired! Lastly, I have decided I am not playing for the National team. Instead, I have decided that I would like to be an assistant coach. I really feel like I will be messing with their chemistry and that is just selfish...I am still going to practice with them but I do not think it is fair to play in games.
See you in 30 days. HOLY CRAP.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE THE USA. I LOVE RWANDA. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WOAH.
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